• Help your child feel capable by getting them involved in an activity they are good at and enjoy doing.  Be supportive of your child and make sure they know that you are on their side.

 2.  Develop your child’s social skills.

• Sometimes a child is shy when around a group of their peers because they are not really sure what they are supposed to be doing. They may feel too overwhelmed or that they have nothing to say to the other children. To help your child, get them  involved in play groups and facilitate their play with others by going with  them to introduce themselves, or joining in on the activity.  You can learn together.

• All parents want their child to be accepted and have friends.  A lot of parents have the expectation that their child is going to be outgoing and the center of attention. Most children are not like this.  For children who are shy, its takes them a while just to get up the courage to attempt to join a group. Let them go at their own pace with your support and encouragement.  Pushing your child to join may lead to crying, humiliation, and resentment towards you.

• Your child will have a much easier time being outgoing and forward in social situations if you, the parent, model good social behavior.  For example, when you are out with your child, make an effort to be friendly and outgoing, this will let your child see that it is okay to talk with others.  Also, any time your child exhibits socially appropriate behavior, praise them and let them know you are proud of them.  Make sure to state exactly why you are proud of them.. By doing this, they will know what to do in the future.  For example, say “Sue you did a great job saying hi to Mr. Smith.  That was a very friendly thing to do!”

6.  Expose your child to different situations    (Zolten and Long, 1997)

• Often, parents of children who are shy become frustrated because their child talks constantly at home and at grandma’s house, but won’t say a word when they're at the grocery store or on the playground. This can be helped through constant exposure of your child to different places and situations.   Doing this will help them become more comfortable with being in new places and around new people. 

• This may seem obvious, but it is still very true.  If your child knows that you love and support them nomatter what, they will be more likely to take “risks” like going over to a group of children on the playground.  

• It is very tempting, when someone approaches your child as asks her name or comments on her outfit, etc. to speak for your child.  First of all, this lets your child off the hook and they "get away with" not speaking. Second, it sends the message to your child that their voice isn’t necessary, which can be reinforce your child’s shyness. 

• Often times, children who are shy are insecure or have a negative self image.  To help them overcome this,teach them positive self-talk.  Have your child list the things he can do, what he is good at, what he likes, and friends and family that love him.  Have him practice saying all of this to himself.  Keep the list posted (maybe in the bathroom or his bedroom).  This way he is reminded of all his good qualities and when he is feeling shy or insecure, he can remember this list to help him feel better.

• There is alot of negativity surrounding the word "shy" and the more your child hears himself associated with that word, the lower his self image could become, which in turns may make him even more shy.

• Be careful that you don't give your child direct or even subtle messages that enforce their fears.  For example, don't tell your shy child to "be careful" or "call if you need me" unecessarily.  Let your child know that you think the world is naturally safe.

 Pre-Adolescence/Adolescence

1.  Give your child a break

• This is a very hard time for children both physically and emotionally.  They are dealing with body changes as well as hormonal changes. Children can become awkward and insecure at this stage as they strive to find their own identity.  Be sensitive to their needs and offer them support.  Shyness may just be their way of dealing with all this new stuff in their lives. 

2.  Help your child discover their hidden talents

• Not all kids can play baseball or a musical instrument.  However, adolescence is a great time to discover new things about your teen and help them discover their talents.  Whether its having a special touch with young children, writing poetry, or even algebra, help your child to expand these talents and in the mean time possibly find a group of peers that are also interested in the same things.  Finding a special gift or a special peer group may be just what your child needs to come out of his shell.

• Adolescence is a time when children want to be independent.  It is often this independence and “I can do it myself” attitude that helps children develop their self esteem and confidence.  Facilitate this need for independence by allowing your child more responsibility for his/her life.  Teach them how to do laundry, cook some special dishes, or even go to the grocery store for a few items you may need.  Of course the amount of responsibility you give them is dependent upon their level of trustworthiness.  However, if you give your teen some control, you are essentially saying “I trust you” and nothing builds a child’s esteem more than that. 

• Adolescents get tired of hearing their parents’ voices.  Don’t take it personal, it is just a fact of life.  As a parent, you may have all this wonderful advice on how to make friends or become more outgoing.  However, there will come a point where your child will just stop listening.  This is when a class and a fresh voice could be helpful.  Of course, not many teens are going to willingly give up an evening to go listen to someone tell them how to be social.  However, an incentive may work to get them to the first class and then see if they choose to go back.  You might be surprised.  To find a class in your area, contact local community colleges, or search on the internet using key words like adult education, personal enrichment, or personal development.
  

• Sometimes the most effective tool for getting through to your teen is by not using words at all.  Do your research.  Find information in magazines and on the internet on ways to overcome shyness and making friends.  Leave it in a place you know your child will look, without it being completely obvious (kitchen table, by the computer, on the coffee table).  Out of curiosity or boredom, your child may just flip through  the information and find something helpful.   

Shake Your Shyness   www.shakeyourshyness.com

        
Shy Kids   www.shykids.com

      
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